im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
