I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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