You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
