I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
