My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
