I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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