She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
