White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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