I hate your face
i barfeds in our rink
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
