Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
