I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
