I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
