After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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