Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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