I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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