My nipple is on Facebook.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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