Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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