Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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