As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
