I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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