I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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