And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
