I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My liver just had a heart attack.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
