I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
