Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i've created a new STD.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
