connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
MIDGETS
????
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
