i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Four minutes until I can fart!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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