I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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