My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
