this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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