What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
