Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
