I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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