I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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