Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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