Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
