I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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