My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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