i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
