I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
