I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
