Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I would ride that face into the sunset
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
