i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
