Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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