we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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