she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
