a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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