Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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