oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
