I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
