Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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