i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
