We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
where are you?
Hypothermia
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
