oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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