hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
