ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
