New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
