At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
