do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
