I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
